Writing Samples
Writing sample for a score of 6 The following essay meets all criteria for a collegiate level composition
as described in the test description for a writing score of 6.
Hamlet says, Frailty, thy name is woman!" I say "Hamlet seems not to have
understood real womanhood!" Two women from my life come to mind to help
support my point.
First, there is my mother. I cannot think of a finer mother, though, of
course, I am biased. When one thinks of a mother, a father is usually
not far behind. Unfortunately for my family, my father's frailty was wasn't
physical. My mother, Gwen is her name, divorced my father after twenty
years of marriage. I, the youngest of two, was twelve at the time. Though
it was an extremely difficult decision to make, my mother found the strength
to not only leave the man that had been supporting her for twenty years
but also to complete the raising of her twelve year old daughter. I did
not speak with my father after the divorce because he never came around,
which certainly suggests the lack of character that lead to my mother's
decision. Despite the hardship, my mother made sure I had everything she
could reasonably provide, best of which was her unqualified love.
The second woman to support my case is part of my current life. Her name
is Johanna. Johanna is thirty-one years old. She divorced the father of
her daughter when her daughter was an infant. She then raised this daughter
to the age of seven, with very few visits from the child's father. Meanwhile
the father had remarried and started a new family. Around the age of seven,
Johanna's daughter began having tantrums that were well beyond the usual
for a child that age. Johanna searched for answers until one seemed obvious:
though everything had be provided for the child, she missed her father.
So Johanna made arrangements to have her daughter live part time with
her dad, and the tantrums ceased almost immediately. I am sure that was
a very hard decision, one that only an incredibly strong woman could make.
In the cases of these two women, the strength and courage they showed
certainly suggest that Shakespeare's character was more than a little
short sighted.
Writing Sample for a score of 3 Following is a sample of a writing
test that would require at least one semester of Developmental Education
work. Please note description of a placement test score of 3 on the test
description page and the annotation for the sample below:
Community College of Philadelphia should provide free day care for children
of single and working parents.
Sitters are to (usage error) expensive unless you are on some kind of
welfare assistence (misspelling).
If there was more free daycare (comma missing) than I think many more
parents would attend Community to farther (usage error) there (usage error)
education. Then better jobs could be found. (lack of specific development)
Actually, I don't know of anyone with this problem now (comma missing)
but I do know lots of high school students with this problem and it doesnt
(contraction error) help. Lots of them (inappropriate pronoun use) are
planning to drop out as a result ( wordiness) of this. My high school
had a program like the free day care mentioned in the topic and because
of cutbacks they no longer have the service. This forces lots of young
girls out of school. And they never return. (This paragraph does not address
the topic of daycare at Community College of Philadelphia)
If there is no program of day care in high school, how will they (lack
of specific antecedent) ever think about college if they can't finish
high school without a day care program or someone to take chare of their
child? (Again, point is off topic) For this reason I think Community should
offer a free day care program to any of its students. (In addition to
grammar, usage, and focus errors, this essay does not provide enough concrete
detail to support its thesis.)
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